Saturday, June 1, 2013

Grief Therapy

      As you know, dear friend Becky had the awful experience of losing her newborn colt Inkling this week.  They had him for only 36 hours.  He had a rare condition in which his colon just would not function.  It was devastating to her and Bob.  It was devastating to all of us who love them.  To make it even worse, I always feel totally incompetent when it comes to knowing what to do when a friend is suffering the pain of grief.  Do you call?  Do you leave them alone? Do you send flowers?  Do you take over a meal?  Do you stay the heck out of the way?  Do you say something, maybe stupid, or do you shut up?

      Fortunately my dilemma was solved by Becky actually texting me yesterday.  "Can you come with me to the garden and then to lunch at Nancy's?" I resisted the urge to reply, "I did have a busy day planned of grocery shopping and other boring things, but actually, HELL YES!" and just wrote instead, "Sure."

      So she picked me up (she lives really nearby, which is great) on her way to the Missouri Botanical Gardens.  Nancy met us there. We spent the rest of the day just loving and nurturing and talking to each other.  It was the best, most healing thing we could possibly have done. Because it wasn't just Becky grieving--it was us grieving over Becky's grief.

     It was overcast and spitting mist occasionally, but perfect for taking photos and being contemplative together.  We took lots of photos of gorgeous flowers.  We inhaled deeply of heady scents.  We soaked up the cool, quiet around us.  It was better than soaking in a spa.    By the time we had completed our winding path throughout the gardens we were in such better spirits.  We even felt good enough to shop in the gift shop--which always makes a girl feel even better. :-) 

     Then we met up again at Nancy's home, and she did what all gourmet cooks do to heal others--she fed us very well.  May I say Divinely? Indian Curried Bean Soup over Rice, a wonderful fresh salad, and mouth watering Apricot Muffins.  Then a decadent dessert.  Oh, my, the delight of divine food with dear friends.     
     Here is a list of things to do for Grief Therapy that Becky emailed us today:
Grief therapy includes:
A walk in the garden
Inhaling lavender
Seeing tears on flowers
Being reminded of God's love 
Special food
But, best of all, true friends--you are.
      It will take a long time and many such healing days for Becky to recover from her grief.  And, of course, one never completely heals from such a loss--even of a beloved pet.  But we heal enough to function, and eventually thrive again.  I think she is already well on her way.
What are some things that you could add to Becky's list of things to do for Grief Therapy?
What do you do to let someone know you care?
Leave a comment below, please.
And one more important Announcement:
Ta-Da...(drumroll, please),
the Winner of the "Calendar Bears Totebag Giveaway"
(selected by no other than Sweetface, himself!)
Diane Cullen!
(No surprise there, as she commented the most, too!)
Thank you, Di, and contact me please for delivery instructions.


  1. Really sad the loss of a new born foal. I feel for your friend as I have many dear horses dogs and cats in Heaven. In the UK we have a Mare and Foal Bank, you get in touch with them if you lose a foal and offer your mare as a foster parent. Many mare pass at a birth too. It was started for Racehorses but now many other breeds are registered.

    Love your blog and thanks for stopping by mine. x Joan

  2. I was in tears after reading this and then that photo with the sunburst over Becky's head was perfect...loved the necklace. Thank you. My two month old grand daughter, Katelynn, will L-O-V-E the bears!